Nick Kemp Blog

Recently I was having a conversation with an experienced trainer who commented that in his opinion many individuals who seek help from NLP in order to be “happy” consider this approach as a quick fix that can be achieved by practicing a few techniques. He pointed out that many who immersed themselves in NLP seemed to subsequently experience all manner of financial, creative and health problems.  Some workshop attendees even start to dress like their trainers and one trainer at least has spawned a whole new generation of men wearing ponytails! Of course this is a generalization, but it does fit with my experience of watching many NLP behaviours for over a decade!

My view is that many individuals enter the world of NLP and often become somewhat star struck by “celebrity trainers” and then spend a disproportionate time attending events and failing to properly focus on their own affairs.  In some cases people attend events (either as paid delegates or assistant volunteers) for up to a quarter of the year to get their “NLP fix” and even talk about annual NLP events as being their “holidays” Nothing wrong with that, but I have noticed that many over a period of time become pretty disgruntled for the following reasons. The “myth of success” presented in NLP marketing initiates, often fails to translate into tangible success for many attendees.

As someone who has been involved in personal development for over three decades, I admire anyone who seeks to improve their skills and develop new insights.  Problems tend to occur when people individuals believe that “happiness” and “becoming rich” is a quick fix. People attend NLP and personal development events for lots of different reasons and NLP in particular is an excellent skill set, BUT in my view it’s not healthy to make any single skill set the total focus of your life! The most successful trainers all seem to have taken these basic skills to develop their own work and continually improve and upgrade their views. In contrast other individuals seek simply to emulate their original trainers and although believing this “myth of success” their reality suggests something entirely different.  The “NLP Happy Clappers” who frequent many online newsgroups usually after a period of time move on to other interests, not having the interest or application to really work on developing these initial basic skills.

Recently I read an article by a longstanding NLP trainer who had given up running NLP events as he realised just how unhappy he was and for him at least the bubble had burst. He describes himself as “an Ex NLPer” which made me smile as he obviously still regards his identity as linked to NLP, when for me NLP has always just been a set of tools, some of which are useful. However many who run NLP businesses and seek to “own NLP” in my view exhibit questionable behaviour and in some instances have all manner of health and financial problems.  NLP is a great set of skills when properly taught, but many have unrealistic expectations about these trainings. The biggest myth is that lives are changed instantly. The reality is that although people can feel different in an instant, feeling good for no reason, does not always equate to a harmonious and successful life balance.  A friend of mine attended an “enhancement” workshop many years ago that cost thousands of pounds for a few days training. I asked him about his impressions of the event. He commented “I enjoyed the experience, but couldn’t help but wonder why after one of the days’s training, the presenter totally lost it and engaged in a shouting match with his kids!”

My view is that NLP and many other approaches can be very helpful, but I advise people against “fan worship” and to realise that the co creators after all took inspiration from successful therapists, who realised the importance of application and hard work as opposed to “quick fixes” Fortunately there are NLP trainers and students who really exhibit this work ethic and the hope for the future of NLP is in their hands.